Response: Hello Kay, I am sorry to hear about your difficult situation. The bride and groom are the ones who make the final decisions on what will and will not occur on the wedding day. In your case, the bride may be under pressure from her mother to do things the mothers way. Rather than create a difficult situation for everyone, you may need to take a low-key position and not insist on having things occur as you would like. To do so could create backlash from the mother and create much stress for the bride.
You should definitely be included in wedding photos, at least a couple. You and your husband will probably find it more convenient if you are seated in the second row behind the brides mother. The typical seating order is: grandparents, step-mothers, mother of the groom, and finally the mother of the bride. I assume you will be seated with the grandparents and that will work well. They would be seated first, then you. That way, you are closest to the aisle where your husband can be seated.
If you are gracious and friendly on the wedding day despite how others may act, you will show the world that you are a classy lady.
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